I’ve been noticing lately that it’s a rare thing to have a real conversation. A two way conversation where one person talks, the other listens without interrupting too much, takes in what the other is saying then responds and the other person listens in kind, and so on.

So many of my friends are increasingly busy, with so many things on their minds, their inner multi-tasker is buzzing like a crowded office space with cubicles, each one filled with squirrels and hamsters sprinting along these circular belts, keeping the machinery running.  There was a time when I would take it personally that they were not listening when I would respond, but it has over time dawned on me—maybe they just can’t hear over the noise in their own heads. 

When I talk to fans in airports, I think I make some of them nervous.  They might have a personal STYX story they want to tell me, which I’m always willing to listen to, so I could say “You know you forgot to wear pants today?” and they wouldn’t hear it.  I don’t say that because I usually don’t think of it until later.  I have too many other things on my mind.

The information highway is a transitional phenomenon for people my age, who remember the days before cell phones, pagers, personal computers, smart phones, 24 hour news channels, etc.  If you were born into it, it’s just who you are and you’ve probably developed different synapses and coping mechanisms and my guess is you don’t even own a television or have a land line phone now.

But for my generation and perhaps even the one after mine, it’s been kind of maddening.  I used to have CNN on all the time. I’d wake up in my hotel room and chances are it would still be on because I went to sleep without turning it off. Through “Operation Desert Storm” everyone I knew stayed glued to their television sets.  I would listen on the car radio to hear the latest reports when I couldn’t be near a television.  Same thing after the attack on the World Trade Center.  Now, there is just too much coverage on too many channels of every dramatic issue, real or trumped up, so much divisive political posturing, and then to make it even more entertaining, when the commercials come on they are twice to three times louder, selling the latest packaged food, the latest way to lose those forty pounds you gained from eating that same food or the newest meds for coping with the health problems caused by the afore mentioned. 

The saving grace for me is my laptop and iPhone.  I choose which programs I watch and watch them when I feel like it. Our bus has a DVR so we can record programs we want and fast forward through the commercials. 

My head is full too.  But I’m an artist.  I’ve always been distracted, writing songs in my head.  If I’m not writing songs then someone else’s song is probably in power rotation whether I like it or not.  Ever get “Karma Chameleon” stuck in your head?  Sometimes I catch myself writing Smooth Jazz in my head.  NO!!!  That music scares the hell out of me.  Sitting in a lobby and finding myself kinda groovin’ along until I realize, they got me!  Nooooo!  I can’t help but thinking these players would rather be wailing on something where you’d be hard pressed to know where the first beat of the next measure was coming. 

Over the years I have become a better listener because in part because I have made so many mistakes that I like to hear what others have to say.  Plus being a singer it behooves me to shut up whenever possible on a show day.
Has the art of conversation gone the way of the phone call? Is it because of texting?  Texting, while not driving is a wonderful thing.  Just the crux of the idea, put it out there. Walk away if you need to and get back later.  We’re used to it and don’t get offended if the person on the other end doesn’t reply for hours.  I’m with you.  Very efficient way to roll.  I must admit though, the little bell alert for incoming texts has made focusing on writing this a bit of a challenge. I’ll get back to them in a minute, or an hour…

I do enjoy a good conversation.  Even if it means that all I’m doing is listening.  I like to hear what people are thinking about, seeing that they are comfortable enough with me to let their guard down and spill a little, rant sometimes and let themselves be known.  There are lots of good story tellers out there.

We’ve been a little on edge since my birthday in 2001.  We could use some good news.  All these years of the bad news has been like Miracle Grow for the news channels, pundits, woe sayers, and those who respond in kind.  They are the new spiritual leaders.  They are kind of having a conversation but it’s not real because they don’t face each other one on one, they do it for our entertainment on television.  More people yelling at us.  No wonder we’re so desensitized.  Now with the worst oil spill in our country’s history (does this mean there are worse ones in other countries?) it’s hard to take it in because it’s being brought to us by the same people who have been yelling to us about so much nonsense that we’ve hardened ourselves against any and all of it. 

I don’t hear too many people talking about it in private circles either.  Maybe its because we’ve all become so politically polarized that we avoid having to risk alienating each other because we’ve been forced to choose between red or blue sides and don’t want to risk old friendships.

So, if you’re not watching sports (that’s worth talking about!), why not turn the television off, turn off your cell phone (at least put it on vibrate), go see your favorite band (STYX, Foreigner and Kansas perhaps), a new comedian or even a good movie and then discuss amongst yourselves!

While you’re doing that, ask yourself, “Am I the one doing all the talking?  Did I hear anything my friend was trying to tell me or was I just waiting for a pause so I could keep talking?” 
I’ll try it too.  Maybe I’m not listening either!

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